{an abundance of food and a lack of sleep}

One of the great things about living on your own is that you don't have to listen to anyone point out the errors in your dietary choices. You want to drink milk that may or may not still be good? Go right ahead (It's not THAT far past it's expiration date!) You want to eat ice cream for breakfast? Go right ahead. (As long as it's chocolate chip cookie dough.) You want to make your peanut butter sandwiches with chocolate pop-tarts instead of whole wheat bread? Go right ahead. (Though why anyone eats pop-tarts in the first place is beyond me...)
Of course, you do have to deal with your own conscience, which usually makes people run or do jumping jacks in an attempt to rid themselves of the sugar high. If you're especially unlucky, you also have to deal with the rebellion of your own stomach. While my stomach isn't hurting at the moment, I am regretting my "I'm-too-lazy-to-do-anything-but-reheat-leftover-potato-wedges" dinner. Oh, not that the food itself wasn't delicious! But, being partially distracted by an online conversation, music, and my own daydreams (I know, I know, I need to stop multitasking!), I ate the entire container of leftovers. That was supposed to last me a few meals. Did I really eat the equivalent of FOUR potatoes? In fact there is only one more piece left on the plate. It mocks me.
It is now much too late and dark to try to run off all those calories and starches - and I promised one of the older women at work I wouldn't run by myself at night, even with mace, keys, a whistle, a paring knife, and a cell phone. But that's okay. After all, I can almost hear her sweet voice in the background saying "It's okay honey. At least they were baked, not fried." *Sigh* So are cakes and cookies and brownies. (Mmm.. brownies..)
I am currently contemplating what to do with that last baked potato slice. I could:

• Eat It.
• Throw It Away.
• Save It For Tomorrow's Breakfast.
• Throw It At The Squirrel On My Windowsill.
• Or Something Else Of Which I Have Not Yet Thought.

What a difficult decision! Well in the meantime, I think I should start doing those jumping jacks.

{the post with lots of parentheses}

Let's be honest, there are dry & seemingly boring parts to all our lives. I go out of my way to avoid anything "boring" and I confess I can rarely go more than a month without some sort of change. If there is nothing new happening in my circumstances, I resort to creating the change myself. This can be a good thing as many positive habits have come from that.. for instance, I'll start learning a new skill (how I picked up guitar, crocheting, and running), change my surroundings (included minor gardening and rearranging my room when I was younger, now I just pack up and move altogether), or change myself (piercings, cut or dye my hair, etc.. quite often my default).
What drives this desire for constant change? Am I unsatisfied or discontent with life the way it is? Or is it just the personality trait of being flexible that's maybe a little out of control? I would not say that I am discontent, but then again it's easy to be blind to my own faults. :/ Perhaps just more than most, I get bored easily.
In other news, the work schedule for the last week of August has just been posted and I am currently scheduled 62 hours, with the potential for adding more. I am not the only one with that kind of schedule though, so it's nice to see who else will be going insane with me! Thankfully, I enjoy working with most of them.
Right after that comes another week of craziness (which I hope won't be quite as bad since work won't be open as late), and then comes VACATION! I know, most people take their vacations before labor day, but who wants to be normal? ;) September 5th-8th, I will be headed down to Virginia with my family to visit MORE family, and so for a few days it'll just be a jolly good time to relax and ignore the outside world. I can't wait!
(Except I kind of have to.)

{THIS is next, so stop asking}

Dearest readers, due to how many questions I am still getting on the subject, I think it's time I spelled this out clearly.

I am not: going to college again (I graduated, remember?), planning any more missions work overseas, headed back to Nicaragua anytime soon, in a relationship which will end in marriage and babies within the next year, or attempting to find a full-time job with benefits and a 401k option.
In my last post I talked about the unique advantage I have being young but out of school and with what I consider more life experience than your average 21-year-old. It sounds ideal, right? However, I am also realizing one of the negatives about coming back to the life I had before I left the States last September - having to deal with the expectations of people who assumed that my time in Nicaragua would be a launching pad for a future life in overseas missions. When I explain that for right now (and yes, potentially for the rest of my life) I believe God wants me here, I get "the look". That disapproving look that says "oh, you couldn't possibly have heard God correctly then, because there's no adventure here. You can't be serving Him with all your heart HERE." I already have to battle those thoughts popping into my mind, but it's worse to hear it from others. In fact, I've had that said to me more than once, though not in those exact words... and as much as I'd like to let it roll off me (because I honestly believe they are well-meaning), that hurts.
Isn't it enough that I went? Isn't it enough that I learned? And isn't it enough that I'm doing my best to live it out now?
There's nothing I can point to on the horizon and say "that's next." My life right now, THIS is next. Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there with open arms and open eyes... (props if you got the music reference)

{Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I still trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ. ~ Galatians 1:10}

{something updatey-like}

Life here is as busy as I expected. I work about 40 hours a week (sometimes over, but don't tell my manager!), often 14 hour days because I pick up other peoples' shifts when they need off for whatever reason. Once everyone goes back to school in late August/early September, I fully expect to be working 50 hours a week, as those of us who aren't leaving try to hold down the entertainment department for what we call "New York & New Jersey Week". NY and NJ don't start school until about a week after PA so things are always tighter in our tourism as kids try to squeeze one last quick vacation before their 9-month confinement. :)
Even as crazy as it is, I still love my job and especially my coworkers. Most of them are my age or younger, though people seem to view me as older because I'm out of school and out of my parents' house. I find that this gives me an interesting advantage in making an influence in their work lives, and some of them, in their personal lives as well. Each day I work I see (well okay, I try to see) chocolate world as my new mission field. I'm trying to build stronger relationships, and keep on modeling Christ in my work and my attitude. It's hard... but I can't say it's not worth it. And usually right about the time when I think it's not making any difference at all, there will be one comment made, or one small conversation about Christianity, or one person who encourages me. God does have perfect timing.
One thing about coming back from "The" mission field (as if there were only one, and it were somewhere other than wherever I am at the moment) is that just about everything I do after returning seems selfish. Moving out, working, dividing time between friends, and basically making larger choices of any kind. It's been interesting adjusting to that aspect of life. I also have realized that I picked up some habits that are a direct result of spending so much time in a latin culture. For example, the Nicaraguans used to make fun of my team for eating sandwiches. They weren't considered food, I guess, because they weren't cooked like 'normal' meals. Well.. I think I've packed a sandwich ONCE to take to work, and I only ended up eating half of it. What it is about some meat or peanut butter stuck between two pieces of bread, anyway? Maybe they take more time to make, but I like cooked meals over sandwiches now. :)

{and the moral is...}

I am stubborn. You should know this by now. I am also creative. You should know this by now. So when I decide I want to do something, I'll usually find a slightly different and less-boring-than-normal way to accomplish it... and if that doesn't work, I'll just keep doing it over and over again until it does work.
Enter the cost of a gym membership. I would LOVE to enjoy the gym again, I really would, but as far as affording it goes, well the money's just not quite there yet. Instead, I am scrounging free exercise equipment from local people who are cleaning out their basements and have taken up running. I hate running... but I like not spending money even more! Out came the running shoes, from a bag of clothes I've been meaning to take to Goodwill for about two years now (yes Beans, I mean the bag you gave me before you left for school... umm... thanks for the shoes?), and of course out came the iPod.
I get bored pretty easily and I doubt I could run or exercise for any long period of time without music. Plus, I thought, I could make a new playlist according to the length of time I want to run or walk, so at each song change I can change my pace. Sounds simple, right? And it should have been.... I sorted all my music by play length, pulled out about 20 songs that were either 2 or 5 minutes long (for running and walking, respectively [hey I'm just starting]) and put them in a playlist, put it onto my iPod, and headed out the door.
One problem. I forgot that my iPod was on shuffle. And, seeing as how it was dark outside, I didn't look at my iPod while I was running, at least until after I thought "wow, I must be REALLY out of shape because I can't even run for two minutes!". After I realized my mistake I felt rather silly but I guess it provides a good story, right? I don't know if I ran for 5 or walked for 2 or what. Well, there's always next time. Because I am stubborn, and I WILL do it again. Except hopefully I'll remember to take my iPod off shuffle.

{21}

Happy birthday to me! Happy birthday to me! Happy birthday, now I'm legal; happy birthday to me!
Instead of ringing in my new freedom by staying out all night with large quantities of alcohol as the majority of my peers tend to do, I decided to figure out what on this earth was important to me, and choose my birthday activities accordingly. So what is important to me? Friends. Money. Not being lazy. And not having a party. All of those things combine to form... TA-DA! A beautiful 13-hour work day at Chocolate World!
I must be insane. Don't worry, I'll get to chill with friends outside of work on Friday night instead. And another bonus to working (besides my birthday being payday, of course) is that it's the employee cookout. Free food! So lest you feel sorry for me not having a "real" birthday party.. be comforted. Food + friends = party.

{i am by no means wise}

Long story short, I'm not going to Virginia. Maybe next year....
Long story long, over the past few weeks though I have been back and forth on what to do next. One day I'd think about leading the Real Life teams with AIM, the next day I'd think about costuming and where that could lead, the next day I'd think about packing up and moving to California to see what would happen there. I had finally had about a week in a row where I thought about nothing but costuming, so I started to move in that direction, making travel plans to be in Williamsburg, VA for the costume character audition at Busch Gardens. I was going to drive down, I had found a super-cheap but nice hotel to stay in, I even looked at the park from Google Earth to see if I could find the specific entrance I would need to use. (What? I AM a details person.) Everything seemed settled... but I didn't make the reservation for the hotel. I ended up having a conversation with my mom about stuff happening in the family, and it made me think about the reasons I had been excited to come home from Nicaragua in the first place. Not that I always love my family or want to be around them, but that in a sense they need me. I don't doubt that God could bring someone else, or multiple someone elses, to fill in the role that I would be leaving by moving, but I believe God wants to use me here, so why am I trying to abandon that? Why not submit and see exactly what He's going to do with me?
I stayed up for a while last night just listening to good music and hanging out with God, and He finally gave that confirmation I was searching for. I'm staying in PA. No, I don't know for how long. Yes, I realize that Chocolate World isn't exactly on the same professional scale of costuming as, say, Walt Disney World or Sesame Street LIVE, but it's what I've been given for the moment. And so here I am.
I'm not giving up on the costuming, though. After family, church, and work, I'm planning on spending my extra time this year at the gym and in dance classes, training so I'll be more prepared for next year's auditions. Or sooner than that if God happens to surprise me with some cool opportunity... who knows? I'll be keeping my eyes open. But everything's still getting covered in prayer.
So that's what's up. For the moment, my mission field is here in PA. I can spend some time with my family, hopefully have a chance to volunteer around the area, kick out more of my student loans, and maybe even start that retirement fund after all. :) And since I'm confident that I am where God wants me to be, I'm excited to see what happens around here. I don't believe it will be too boring if God's in it!
{and there's a possibility of sharing an apartment closer to work with a friend from church. maybe...}